Toe punt alley

match day 22.

The text went out and then the players starting falling like flies,player were spreading themselves all over Europe and Journo John was on midnight duty dury service 🍼💦😉. The numbers were low with only 11 players not in coffins,the selection coach had to make a late plea to steve to let the goat out of the barn to even up the numbers 6 v 6.

The teams were picked and it looked good on the high tech blackboard at the TNF headquarters ,but that is when the 1st of a long list of controversy started. Calls from rebellious players(magic man) were taken into account and there was calls for Joel to be moved across for Dan the man,Joel accepted and change his mind and gave them Ethan.

Teams:

Bibs:Matt,Dazza,Ethan,Chris,Jon,goat.

nons:baz,sepp,Dan,Joel,tom,David.

The game started at its usual low rate poor quality with passes going astray and a general lack of composure on the ball.matt and baz who donned the gloves had to make a few saves but nothing major as the finishing was at a usual shocking standard. As Marcus started to get frustrated at this lack of quality he started going forward in search of the 1st goal leaving Dan the man a bit exposed,the goat then took advantage of the space and after a shocking tackle on Dan,which should have seen yellow,opened the scoring with the 1st of 5 toe punts that hit the onion bag😳⚽️⚽️⚽️⚽️⚽️10 mins later Dan had to hobble into goal and bazza was out at 4-0 down,the goat was now gloating and feeling sick at the same time.joel was now starting to lose his head as the goat broke all the TNF offside and fair play rules by pretending to be ill and goal hanging,shouts of you cheating 🗣C*** were heard and Joel spent the the next 5 mins in a very strange tangle trying to kick the goat,weird😳.bazza pulled one back with a good shot to finally beat Matt 4-1 ,the nons were back in it,not for long,the goat got his massive big toe to the ball again after turning up his own arse 20 times to score his 5th of the night 5-1,more controversy now with the goat hand balling to receive a yellow which should have been red,poor finishing continued until Joel with a payet like left footer flew past Matt to make it 5-2,Dave lewandoski then came to life,beating 3 players and coolly slotting under the keeper with his right foot 5-3.game on!!! The bibs were holding on but the bibs then counter attacked after another toe punt pass from tom went wrong,Dazza(this weeks mom)got the ball and fed Ethan who charged up the left wing and unleashed an unstoppable left foot drive into the top corner,game over but still enough time for more controversy,with the nons all up attacking when Ethan pushed sir seppy in the back fed the ball to the magic man who ran forward unchallenged to finish with 23:5 seconds left on the clock,seppy didn’t allow the goal,6-3 game over.

In the dressing room(car park).

The usual banta resumed,mainly aimed at the goat,the goat kept telling  anyone who would listen that he had scored 5,the committee have watched the video and decided that all 5 goals were offside and toe punts and they can confirm that the goat is Defo a lazy 🗣C***. The final controversy was that the result has been over turned by the committee as they realised that the proper kit wasn’t being worn by the bibs.

Rule no.489/a:- all players on the bibs team(including the keeper) must be in matching bibs.

sorry Matt 3-0 result awarded to the non bibs😉

Any  appeal  must be done by post to TNF headquarters with video evidence.

Enjoy your weekend boys👍🏽🍾🍼💦⚰🍻⚽️⚽️⚽️ Come on England

Toe punt alley

Rope-a-F**king Dope Thursday

Matchday 21 of TNF and this week saw a few absentees.  Coach Edwardski, who is shortly claiming asylum in Greece, was missing some big names from which to pick from, with Dazza away building sandcastles and Granite in Salcombe working on his cholesterol levels.  Dark Arts Dan and Steve ‘The Sloth’ Godfrey were question marks but both managed to reach the ground on time, to varying degrees of success.

Both sides lined up strongly.  The bibs had John Harris, Matthew Cox and The Dong providing the steel in front of Safe Legs Ads, Liamardo and Joel the artistry (and that was just his boots), with Dave and Steve the cutting edge. The non-bibs had Beckanbauer Bazza in goal, with the legs of Seppy and strength of Dark Arts at the back. A strong midfield had Jon ‘Romford Pele’ Carter, Christian and a rare start for Ethan Edwards, with leading scorer The Hammer up front and Tom in his customary floating role.

Kick off and the game started and quickly settled into a pattern, with the bibs applying lots of early pressure.  Pressure didn’t equate to goals though.  A combination of majestic goalkeeping, disciplined defending and poor finishing kept the scores at 0-0, with Edwardski and The Sloth especially wasteful in front of goal.  The pressure continued to build with Liamardo and Coxy both joining the attack and with John Harris making marauding runs forward, it was all hands to the pump for the non-bibs defence. This left The Dong and Safe Legs exposed somewhat at the back but the non-bibs were unable to capitalise, with The Hammer, Romford, Ethan and Christian all failing to find the target when the non-bibs managed to counterattack.  Christian especially had a golden chance to score. Normally so adept at playing in the hole, he picked the ball up on the edge of the area after some good build up play but couldn’t sort his feet out and could only manage a tame effort at goal.  Meat and drink for Safe Legs.

The bibs continued to press and eventually the dam burst.  Bazza, almost playing as a sweeper, was unable to head the ball clear and it was met by Coxy, surging forward, who headed a looping ball over the despairing Bazza and underneath the bar. 1-0 and this was the least the bibs deserved for their early pressure.  They were unable to build on this though, with Edwardski hitting the post with Bazza beaten and numerous other chances going begging.  At times the bibs were taking it in turns to shoot and there was some exquisite build up play on show, with Harris and Coxy forcing the tempo and Liamardo and Joel’s rapier like movement adding to the onslaught.  However, the non-bibs defence sat deep, kept their shape and with the bibs pushed up, space was at a premium and finding a killer ball was proving to be beyond them.

How many times have we seen a team in the ascendancy get punished for failing to convert their chances?  This is what happened here, although it took a controversial penalty decision for the game to turn. A cross field ball was directed towards Ethan, although it is doubtful whether he could’ve controlled it.  However, as he went toward the ball, the non-bibs screamed as one for a penalty, claiming a push in the back from Juan Mata lookalike, Joel.  Ethan didn’t claim himself but the decision stood, although the replay was inconclusive.  After being a spectator for much of the game, Safe Legs was now being called in to action. After some conjecture as to where the penalty spot was, The Hammer lined up to take it.  He hit it right footed with all his trademark venom but a breath-taking save from Safe Legs pushed the ball away.  Chance gone but the non-bibs now had their tails up and began to press and as happens so often, they punished the bibs for their early profligacy. Tom, quiet up to now and on the periphery of the action, received the ball wide on the right and after battling through a challenge hit a fizzing effort that was too hot for Safe Legs to handle. The ball hit the far upright but the power of the shot saw it rebound onto the other, hit Ads’ arse and then hit the back of the net. 1-1 and all to play for still but the momentum had swung. A loose ball from the bibs through midfield was gobbled up, the ball played forward and The Hammer atoned for his earlier mistake. From being 1-0 down and under the cosh, it was now 2-1 to the non-bibs and the game had been turned on its head.

This woke the bibs up and they pushed up in search of an equaliser, which, on the balance of play, would’ve been deserved. Once again though, the non-bibs sat deep and soaked up the pressure with the midfield trinity of Romford, Ethan and Christian working very hard to screen the back two of Dark Arts and Seppy. However, John Harris was very unlucky to see a goal disallowed for being inside the area after a great run down the inside left channel, slightly overrunning the ball but the replay clearly showed the ball was inside.  More pressing followed but the bibs were tiring and now the non-bibs applied the coup de grâce, with Ethan scoring from the left after another good breakaway. 3-1 to the non-bibs and that was how it finished, with Seppy blowing the final whistle with the ball still nestling in the back of the net.  Handshakes all round and a strong feeling of ‘what might have been’ for the bibs.  For Bazza, Seppy and the rest of the non-bibs though it was a job well done and a classic example of counter-attacking football.  The arguments are still raging on who the MOTM should be but the consensus appears to be that the two goalkeepers may have to share.

After the match, Phil Lynott’s twin brother advised that there had been a complaint about some of the language used during the match and asked us to tone it down.  Given the quality of the bibs’ finishing it was no wonder some industrial language was on show.  Hopefully there will be no need for such language next time.

The talk moved on to potential piss up venues for the England v Wales game in the Euros but it still isn’t 100% decided.  Judging by their performance last night, Roy would do well to visit TNF, some of the boys here could do a job.

In the league, Bazza is sneaking under the radar with 5 wins on the trot, in search of a new win streak record. The Hammer stretches his lead at the top of the goal scoring charts with 32 goals and Steve just needs to sleep!  We haven’t seen the best of him since fatherhood and we’ve yet to see a ‘Romario’ celebration.  Beetroot juice might be in order!

As ever though, Football was the winner, and we’ll do it all again next week.

Have a great weekend lads!

Rope-a-F**king Dope Thursday

Lewandaveski on fire again

In FA Cup final week, pre-match chatter was dominated by the Goat’s lack of sleep, with much encouragement for him to play.  But the threat of rain was sufficient to see the caprine one skive off.  Sepp was travelling back from the Smoke, allegedly running the length of the train throughout the journey to get more ‘k’s in. Bazza was rain delayed at the rounders, so both teams a man down to start. Rumours of a coup on account of committee members prioritising babies, rounders and work, started by Joel, were quickly slapped down by Bazza quoting rule 45129 – no coups allowed.  If only Platini had read the rule book!

With team selection once again in the hands of Bazza, and proper team sheets issued in formation, there was consensus these were well-matched teams. But, would the players all arrive on time?

The teams:

Bibs: Ads, Joel, Matt, Marcus,  Dan, Dazza, Olly

Non-bibs: Bazza, Kev, John H, Stew, Tom, Ethan, Daveski

Kick off at the Stadium of Night and Marcus was yet to arrive, and when he did his team were already 2-0 down. Ads had found his clown shoes again, legs all a tangle as two shots from narrow angles by the Polish star striker found the net. Lewandaveski had started well, looking to extend his winning streak. Sepp was mightily unimpressed with the answer to his question as he ran through the gate: “What’s the score?”

With Dong and Harris in near total control at the back Granite was able to reinforce the Shirts’ left flank, while the Bibs strikeforce was struggling for impact. It was soon 3 as the ball broke to Tom on the right, who dispatched a fine shot past blameless keeper Ads.  Cue Joel’s strop of the evening, which would later earn him one of the Wanka shirts.

The middle part of the game was a more even contest as Olly found his scoring boots  scoring 4 in total, while at the other end Ethan popped one in, and Lewandaveski completed his hat trick.

This was  a good come back from the Bibs.  So to the final period, and with Olly tiring Granite was finding more freedom up the left. Sepp slid in for  a  rugby tackle that Stew almost avoided, eventually crashing down after desperately trying to keep going, only to have a handball awarded against him. WTF?  It was a call Sepp was to regret on Granite’s next excursion, as a drop of the shoulder and change of pace left the Chairman for dead, and Granite through on goal. 6-4.

Matt soon replied for the Bibs, which was the cue for Ethan to take over in goal, to release the marauding Bazza, with his fresh legs soon providing goal number 7 for the Shirts. Ethan was called on to make several fine saves as the Bibs desperately tried to claw their way back into the game, but with gaps appearing at the back there was still time for Polish delight, as Lewandaveski made it 4 for him, and the final score 8-5.

Post match

Dave took his win streak to 8, and season tally to 20, level with the absent Goat.  That should have him back next week.  Olly still out in front though with 25.  Olly paid his subs and asked Sepp for a receipt and was rewarded with the second Wanka shirt as a result. Dazza dished out the eggs and football was, of course, the winner.

See you next week for Athletico Bibs v Real Non-Bibs.

 

 

 

Lewandaveski on fire again

Hammer Horror No-Show

As Sunderland secured Premier league status at the Stadium of Light this week, Taunton’s Stadium of Night was once again the centre of attention as TNF matchday 19 took shape. Player numbers were up this week.  Team selection was in the hands of Tinkerman Bazza, this week using  individual player notes to aid with formation tinkering.  A smart move only undermined by late selections and injuries, requiring the late return of the notepad to accommodate the returning Ethan. The Goat also confirmed late, but Sepp advised that “it’s unlikely that we will need the Goat tonight.”   With continued disquiet (ie farting) about beet juice dosing, the teams lined up as follows:

Bibs: Bazza, Kev, Matt, Dazza, Joel, Jon C, Dave, The Goat

Shirts: Ads, Granite, Dan, Marcus, John H, Liam, Ethan, The Hammer

Christian was absent, apparently on a busman’s holiday in North Wales in search of stalactites dangling down into moist, dark passages. Potholing that is. (What were you thinking!) . He was no doubt wearing protective clothing, and given the growing injury toll attributable to Joel, there were calls for elbow pads to be worn pre-match.

The Match

In another one sided affair the Bibs ran riot early on streaking into a 5 goal lead, the highlight being a screamer from Joel. Hitting a sweet right foot late curler from close to the fence about 30 yards out, the ball was heading just wide of Ads left post, but late curl had it hitting the inside of the post and in. A quality goal and GOS contender.

The Shirts meanwhile appeared not to realise that Olly was AWOL, with passes going astray up front, as Ethan toiled fruitlessly while the Shirts defence was run ragged by Dave and Jon C.  Sepp, growing more frustrated by the minute, was running around the pitch like a Duracell bunny on speed.  Is that the effect of beetroot juice? Confusion reigned as Marcus played every position at once.  The returning Harris just looked perplexed.

At 5 -0 it was time for the Goat to switch sides, and instantly the Shirts had more about them, with the Goat pulling one back almost immediately.  With the extra man available, Harris now started to pull the strings in midfield, but there was always the risk of a counterattack from the dangerous Pole supported by the Magic Man with late runs from midfield.  The Goat toiled but as he tired, Dazza outpaced him, with the Goat bouncing off the Baymax three times in an increasingly desparate attempt to win the ball.  Harris scored a fine headed goal, but while the second half was much more even, the final score was 7-4 Bibs, with the goals as follows:

Bibs: Joel, Jon C (3), Dave (2), Steve

Shirts: John H (2), The Goat (2)

The absence of the Hammer was the big difference in this game, witht he Bibs taking advantage of having the extra man and striker in the opening period. This was truly  a Hammer Horror No-Show.

Post-match

With the match report once again delayed, speculation turned to the possible return of Journo John to the reporting hot-seat next week.  Having topped the totaliser, he was awarded the wanka shirt for next week, but this man clearly needs to be doing something else with his hands. Olly was awarded the second Wanka shirt for going AWOL.

Enjoy what’s left of the weekend chaps.

 

Hammer Horror No-Show

Bring on the Clowns

Stop Press…….Journo Granite facing disciplinary hearing over delayed match reports…charges expected later…watch this space. Chairman Sepp unavailable for comment, but it is known the much missed Journo Harris is due back in action soon.

It’s already week 18 of TNF, but Coach Joel has apparently retired from selection duties with a 100% record of well matched teams.  So well matched no one knows if last week’s result was a 5-4 win or a 5-5 draw! So Joel goes out on top, with Bazza in charge this week, hoping that Joel’s masterful selection process involving old pen and paper-based technology could be repeated.  Supercharged with beetroot juice, he chose the scrappiest piece of paper he could find to present the teams which lined up as follows:

Bibs: Ads, Bazza, Dan, Christian, Kev and Dave

Shirts: Matt, Granite, Sepp, Dazza, Joel and Jon C

Next weeks teams may be presented on the cardboard liner from a toilet roll.

Pre-match

With The Goat still absent on parenting duties, and the Hammer missing, striking talent looked in short supply, with the Bibs hoping that Polish Dave had returned to play like Lewandowski, not Tomaszewski. Ads was carrying an injury, so Kev returned to the defence.  Pre-match bantz returned after a break to pre-match meals, with controversy over whether to go for the red or the brown. At least I hope they were talking about food.

The Game

With player numbers still limited, both teams were invited to play sweeper-keepers, with Ads getting straight in to the role. Of a clown that is, with a comedy collapse as the ball passed his tangled feet, after a shot from distance by Jon C caught him off guard. 1-0. The press photographers almost missed the action, with the only available shot capturing Ads feet just before the ball passed.

clown

But this was to be the high spot for the Shirts as the Bibs proceeded to run riot with Coach Bazza’s  hand-picked heroes running rings around the Shirts, with the returning Pole in top form, holding the ball up well and linking with willing runners in the midfield.  It’s like he’d never been away. The Shirts were horribly exposed time and again, with Coxy growing redder with fury by the minute. With the score at halfway already 6-1, it was time for a keeper change, with Granite donning the gloves.

We’d already seen comedy keeping at the other end, but Ads had recovered well making several fine saves. The Shirts had had no shortage of efforts on goal, or perhaps more accurately at the perimeter fence, but were failing to find the net. Once again the Bibs were on the attack with Dave  through on the left, and a fine finish into the top left corner, waved through by the keeper. To be followed by a left footer which although close to the keeper had the pace to beat him low down.

8-1 and surely all over.  But there is a mini-revival as Coxy takes charge up front, with Jon C pulling two back. But it’s a false dawn as once again Dave has Granite to beat. He fires inside the right post, but Granite somehow gets down to push it onto the post. It rebounds onto the keeper and trickles back into the net. Bring on the Clowns indeed!

There’s still time for more comedy gold as Bazza lines up  a pile driver and let’s fly only for his follow through to catch Joel’s steel-tipped elbow right on the knee. Bazza’a in agony, while Joel adds another notch to his shinpad.

And there’s more, as the recovered Bazza is through and lines up one final piledriver aiming plumb for the keeper’s plums. A look of horror crosses Granite’s face as he realises that tonight’s slow signalling from brain to hands means he knows what’s coming, but may not be able to stop it. Luckily, he gets a hand almost to the balls, and for once tonight a shot fails to do serious damage.

Granite will be bringing new gloves next week if required in goal:

hands

Final score: 10-4 (Bazza 4, Dave 3, Christian 2, OG 1; Jon C 3, Marcus 1)

Post-match

The Dubious Goals panel decided the post ricochet goal should be awarded to OG, despite cash payments to Bazza (memo to Dave: cash payments only permitted to Sepp). The Wanka shirt was a dual award to the keepers Stew and Ads for top class clowning.

 

 

 

 

Bring on the Clowns

The Unprofessionals

We’re a third of the way through the season, week 17 of TNF, and a much delayed match report due to the laziness of Granite bank holiday weekend. It was a week in which the amazing professionalism of the NHS contrasted sharply with the motley crew that is TNF, as the increasingly professional outfit lost the plot.

Pre-match

Birthday boy Joel Criddle was in charge of team selection this week. How would the new coach take us to another level. What level of sophistication would be deployed to test the options for 6 a side?  Well not technological clearly, as a spiral bound notepad was brought into play, but to be fair, sound analysis of player resources available, with players sorted into goalies, defenders, forward thinkers, luxury players and, in a category of one, c**ts!

General consensus in the pre-match Bantz was good teams. We would see!

The teams were:

Bibs: Dazza, Matt, Granite, Bazza, Tom and Liam

Shirts: Kev, Sepp, Jon C, Dan, Chris, Oscar

The Match Report

On a wild and windy night, all present were Dazzled by the multi-coloured top of keeper Dazza. With the rain sheeting down at times, Granite was unable to see anything other than the mighty keeper through his rain smeared specs.

Chris took an early blow to the face as Kev cleared and the ball deflected into his mush. This would not be the first scream of pain from the c**t flicker tonight. First blood, in a goal scoring sense, was from Granite playing in a more advanced role tonight, mainly cos his knackered back meant slow progress on the filed of play, but he did Kev with the eyes for a near post finish. 1-0.  Liam had several chances throughout the game, but he was a pale shadow of the lethal finisher from a couple of weeks ago, finishing only one. Extra training, or perhaps less extra-curricular activity,  required for that young man, Dave!

Chris took a mouthful from Matt after objecting loudly to a tackle which led to a goal, and conceded a deliberate handball, while protesting his innocence. A strong bid for the Wanka shirt,this.

Matt, Bazza and Tom all added to the score sheet for the Bibs.  For the shirts, the Magic Man was on form with 3 goals in normal time, to bring the scores to 5-4 as the school clock struck 10.

But Sepp, official timekeeper, played on, and in the 6th minute of added time, a deflected shot from the Magic Man drew the scores level at 5-5. Cue the final whistle from Sepp, and controversy ensued.

Post-match

The rule book was consulted. Rule 1001: No goal in sepp time will count.  5-4 then.  But wait, Sepp claims playing time was under the hour therefore entirely legitimate. 5-5. Would this ever be resolved?  Not until a week later, as Sepp uses chairman’s privilege to publish the tables based on 5-5.

So, Coach Criddle had indeed produced well matched teams. Was it beginners luck, or would he lose the plot in future selections like Coach Harris. Only time will tell.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Unprofessionals

The John Harris Vas Deferens Memorial Trophy

Its week 16 of TNF, with Granite doing the prematch report,  and as it’s a quiet week in Europe, we have a top class domestic fixture for you.  Arsenal v Spurs competing for the John Harris Vas Deferens Memorial Trophy, a beautiful pair of stainless steel scissors atop a pair of golden plums.

Coach Harris had been relieved of his duties, as according to Chariman Sepp, he hasn’t got the balls for the job any more.  Coach Edwardski stepped into the breach at the last minute, and lost no time in learning from the master Sepp by inviting payments for team selection.  In the pre-match banter The Goat took a terrible beating, as it appeared he’d left the country, until popping up after team selection to confirm his place, much to the new coaches’ annoyance. Matt Cox was peddling grass online, while the Coach had discovered a rather dubious film online featuring the Goat (allegedly) in “Use the Back Door.”

Here’s how the teams lined up:

IMG-20160421-WA0005

The Arsenal team took their player roles most seriously with Ethan mimicking the Seaman hairstyle, and Jon C the spitting image of Perry Groves.  For Spurs, Dan Roberts paid tribute to the artist formerly known as Prince with a bright purple shirt, while Joel Gascoigne just played the piss artist.

So on a beautiful evening for football with the Stadium of Night bathed in moonlight the teams kicked off.  Let’s go over to your match commentator Uncle Bazza….

Match report

So the team talks had taken place and everyone was ready for a tight match.Both teams lined up as the absent coach Edwardski had planned and they kicked off.

Both teams were playing a pass and move style with some slick passing and lots of movement,that lasted all of 2 minutes and then normal play was resumed with plenty of long balls and miss placed passes and poor control. After 10 minutes the usual quote of “this has the look of a 0-0″ was the cue for Matt Mackey to temporarily changed his name to gazza,he picked the ball in his own half weaved past Dazza Dixon,tricked his way past groves and winterburn and then fired his team into the lead with a quality toe punt finish into seamans bottom. Oops sorry bottom CORNER 1-0.

Chances came and went for both sides with Olly Henry having several good shots saved by the ever reliable King dong clemence making his come back with some amazing saves,is it fair though considering the king has three legs,the tripod like keeper said”I just use any body part I can🍌”

The match continued in its usual poor standard until Joel gascoigne got on the ball,with quick feet he turned the ageing bazza vieria inside out on the edge of the box and fired the bibs into a 2-0 lead.

Winterburn playing in,well,basically every position on the pitch picked the ball up on the right moved forward with a determined run before smashing a right foot thunderbolt into the net,there was a shout of”that’s how you finish Olly” game on 2-1.seaman in the gunners goal was back in form with some impressive saves from the goat and gazza which kept his team in the contest.

The next bit of TNF gold was performed by the magic right foot of Dazza Dixon with a deft chipped ball into the bibs box which was headed over the King by the ginger “leaping salmon”groves,surely a GOS contender.2-2. Step forward steve ‘the goat’Greaves ,who after twisting and turning so many times he nearly turned up his own arse,unleashed an unstoppable shot to put the bibs 3-2 up. The bibs were now using the extra man well with tom Reid being given plenty of the ball,old man vieria was now blowing out of his arse chasing the trio of Ericksen,gazza and Reid in midfield,the next goal was a moment of class,but one that winterburn will want to forget,a cross from the right was causing no problem for the nons defence,Marcus tried a volley back past to seaman only to see it loop over the long haired keepers head and nestle into the net⚽️ 4-2,this of course earned him the D-WANKA shirt for a record 3rd time.

The nons were now in trouble,vieria,groves and henry were raining shots on the dongs goal but a combination of very poor finishing and some heroic blocks from Roberts,Mackay and perrymen keep the gunners at bay. Bazza vieria now was nearly dead and called for the extra man and with only 18 minutes left on the clock,greaves defected from the Spurs to the gunners,he was now a goat possessed and seemed to gain some new found strength stroking the ball home from the left side with his 1st touch for his new team,4-3,shouts from the Spurs players on their thoughts of the goat man are not printable.

The bibs were on the rocks now and winterburn redeemed himself with his 3rd of the night,this time a cracking left foot finish at the right end to bring the scores level,4-4 bazza got a little bit too excited at this wonder goal and nearly filled the totaliser all by himself.

Matt Mackay now had to start pushing forward into midfield to try and help the lonely gazza up front and ended up in a titanic battle wth Dixon which seemed to go on for ever,the rest of the players on both sides just stood back and let the two of them play out the weirdest game of twister ever seen,Dixon came out on top this time but both players had to be checkout with the jizz detector after the game. Now with Matt a spent force Olly Henry shook off the rustiness of missing several weeks to coolly finish under perrymen who had taken the gloves from dong clemence after sustaining another injury,5-4.Perry groves then got his 2nd of the night dancing through the defence and slotting a shot past perrymen 6-4 and the gunners were now as rampant as coach Harris will be once recovered from his op🍒😳.

Henry then fired in his 2nd goal and the bibs were now in pieces,7-4.King clem did manage a couple mazey runs and Danny Roberts tried one from distance which nearly cost him a pound but all this nonsense was soon snuffed out by the solid Brady at the back who then started another attack and fed the goat and well we all know what happens when you “feed the goat”8-4 and game over.

There was just one more chance on the night,bazza vieria pumped a high ball forward towards the goat “that will test his control” mocked winterburn,the goat in one motion killed it then play a delicious ball into the box for Henry,surely if he scores this will be top of the GOS list,so Henry meets it square on the biscuit tin,its a goal and his hat-trick,yes??? No!!! Henry fluffed it and header over the bar😂 the final whistle and an 8-4 win for the Gunners.
THE CAR PARK.
There was the usual gathering of tired limbs with Bantz a plenty,especially for the goat who hadn’t read what’s app all day and had 108 messages,mainly giving him grief,to catch up on.coach Harris sore plums were a big topic and Brady and winterburn had verbals over a new points scoring table for TNF,winterburn finish the discussion in a mature way,telling Liam Brady to f*+**+* do one. The D-WANKA shirt was presented and rumour is that if you win it 3 times you get to keep it.players then departed as again Dazza had failed to deliver any eggs out of the back of a hen and no biscuits were on offer.As always football was the winner and see you all next week for more fun and frolics at TNF
Happy totalising.

And to finish off the evening a resounding chorus to mark the awarding of the John Harris Vas Deferens Trophy, of “Every Sperm is Sacred.

The John Harris Vas Deferens Memorial Trophy