The Unprofessionals

We’re a third of the way through the season, week 17 of TNF, and a much delayed match report due to the laziness of Granite bank holiday weekend. It was a week in which the amazing professionalism of the NHS contrasted sharply with the motley crew that is TNF, as the increasingly professional outfit lost the plot.


Birthday boy Joel Criddle was in charge of team selection this week. How would the new coach take us to another level. What level of sophistication would be deployed to test the options for 6 a side?  Well not technological clearly, as a spiral bound notepad was brought into play, but to be fair, sound analysis of player resources available, with players sorted into goalies, defenders, forward thinkers, luxury players and, in a category of one, c**ts!

General consensus in the pre-match Bantz was good teams. We would see!

The teams were:

Bibs: Dazza, Matt, Granite, Bazza, Tom and Liam

Shirts: Kev, Sepp, Jon C, Dan, Chris, Oscar

The Match Report

On a wild and windy night, all present were Dazzled by the multi-coloured top of keeper Dazza. With the rain sheeting down at times, Granite was unable to see anything other than the mighty keeper through his rain smeared specs.

Chris took an early blow to the face as Kev cleared and the ball deflected into his mush. This would not be the first scream of pain from the c**t flicker tonight. First blood, in a goal scoring sense, was from Granite playing in a more advanced role tonight, mainly cos his knackered back meant slow progress on the filed of play, but he did Kev with the eyes for a near post finish. 1-0.  Liam had several chances throughout the game, but he was a pale shadow of the lethal finisher from a couple of weeks ago, finishing only one. Extra training, or perhaps less extra-curricular activity,  required for that young man, Dave!

Chris took a mouthful from Matt after objecting loudly to a tackle which led to a goal, and conceded a deliberate handball, while protesting his innocence. A strong bid for the Wanka shirt,this.

Matt, Bazza and Tom all added to the score sheet for the Bibs.  For the shirts, the Magic Man was on form with 3 goals in normal time, to bring the scores to 5-4 as the school clock struck 10.

But Sepp, official timekeeper, played on, and in the 6th minute of added time, a deflected shot from the Magic Man drew the scores level at 5-5. Cue the final whistle from Sepp, and controversy ensued.


The rule book was consulted. Rule 1001: No goal in sepp time will count.  5-4 then.  But wait, Sepp claims playing time was under the hour therefore entirely legitimate. 5-5. Would this ever be resolved?  Not until a week later, as Sepp uses chairman’s privilege to publish the tables based on 5-5.

So, Coach Criddle had indeed produced well matched teams. Was it beginners luck, or would he lose the plot in future selections like Coach Harris. Only time will tell.







The Unprofessionals

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