The Goals that never were

Its unlucky for some week 13 of TNF, and with several regulars absenting themselves overseas, worrying sheep and plastic people respectively, pre-match banter was light this week.  So,let’s take a moment to reflect on week 12 with the players taking on the personas of cartoon characters. By popular acclaim most accurate were in reverse order:

  • Joel as Taz
  • Liam as Dash Parr from the Incredibles
  • Christian as Dr Nefario from Despicable Me, and
  • Dan as Syndrome


The game was tighter than in recent weeks, but the Bibs tired towards the end. There was drama early on as the floodlights failed. Truly, the Stadium of Night.  Sepp Tigger was back from seeing FIFA “President” Infantino, with World Cup 2026 expected to be in Argentina (you heard it here first!).and being distracted had forgotten to feed the electricity meter. In his absence finding 50 pence pieces, Bambi The Goat scored a worldy, but nobody saw it, not even the Goat. Kev said he might have heard it, but the GOS Committee were having none of it. Disallowed! Wreck It Ralph Coxy returned with a hat trick, while Thor the Hammer was kept quiet by a tight Non-bibs defence. Meanwhile in the Bibs defence Granite was no Mr Incredible and had a ‘mare, earning the Wanka shirt for consistent poor performances in recent weeks.  Final score 7-3 and eggs all round.

And so to week 13, with the teams lining up:

Bibs: Ads, Matt, Dan, Joel, Chris, Dave, Olly.

Shirts: Kev, Granite, Liam, Marcus, Oscar, Tom, Jon, Steve (eventually!).

The Goat had made a convincing pre-match bid to earn the Wanka shirt for next week, with the first ever use of NCT ante-natal class to attend, but he escaped censure, arriving just moments after kick off.  He’ll be wanting to miss games for paternity leave next. Sepp has allegedly denied permission in advance.

In the early exchanges the Shirts were retaining possession well in the opposition half, testing Ads on more than one occasion, without being able to score, with Tom also testing the netting over the cross bar on several occasions.  hH denied being on a trial for Taunton RFC.  But soon Liam “Dash” Edwards fired in an effort and this time Ads was unable to stop it hitting the back of the net. Inevitably, the Bibs then made a breakaway, but Sepp had the situation under control, until gifting the ball to the opposition with a hopeless backpass to the Dong after getting his feet in a Tigger tangle. 1-0, and the easiest goal Edwardski Snr has ever scored.

Not for long though as the Shirts continued to play well, with Granite, renamed “Granules” for the night as he began his rehab from “Dust”, and Sepp keeping the Hammer largely in check.   It was soon to be 2-1 to the Shirts.  The Goat started to find space in behind the opposition defence,  and Granules played the ball into the inside left channel, where the Goat picked it up and despatched it.

Cue the Hammer. A cross from the left, met sweetly on the volley, surely a GOS contender, but it took a slight deflection from Granite into the top right corner. A fine goal, but falling foul of GOS rule 97 (b). Unlucky week 13 for the Hammer!

This was a tight game, with both sides creating plenty of chances. The Goat scored his second, with Edwardski Snr chipping in too to make it 3-3, with 10 minutes left. Cue mini-collapse from the Shirts as a falling out in midfield between the Magic Man and the Man With Whom You Cannot Win a Game, led to misplaced passes/passes not to feet*….except to the opposition, with the Bibs forwards gifted three goals in quick succession, two of them soft headers for the Hammer, to make the final score 6-3 to the Bibs. Hat tricks completed for both the Hammer and Edwardski.

The Shirts will be kicking themselves for losing that one, after a disciplined display for 50 minutes.  It was just like watching Everton FC!

*you choose


In the absence of Baymax, there was a lack of eggs and associated puns this week.  Apparently, he’s barbecuing a Welsh lamb after the match next week for us. That’s what he’s told his wife anyway, after she questioned why there was a live lamb in the boot.

Sepp was awarded the Wanka shirt for gifting the opposition’s first goal. Joe, Matt and Dave top the win streak table with 4 a piece, while Tom is out on his own with 9 losses.  Joe remains top of the league with 71% win ratio, but Dave on 67% is chasing him down, with Matt and Olly not far behind.

Coach Harris may be relieved of team selection duties soon, as he chose 7 of the top 9 in the league table for the Bibs!

The big question of the week.  Will Joe be persuaded back to TNF from Oz next week to sample Baymax’s specially marinated lamb?  Apparently he’s tempted! Watch this space.







The Goals that never were

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