Testosterone 1-Football 0

And so we find ourselves once again at the sporting mecca that is the Vale, as the teams assemble for the final game of February 2016, the leap year when traditionally the ‘lady’ can propose.  With the Homeless Man’s transfer Down Under confirmed, Holder J’s preparation had been meticulous, determined to go out with a bang, although whether the threesome with two blondes in the morning met with new coach Harris’s approval is doubtful.

The team selections were in early, but the Goat risked being dropped by an angry coach Harris, as he caused confusion with his glove talk.  The professionalism of TNF grows by the week, with Harris showing managerial promise with not just balanced team selections, but clear positional instructions to the players. This coach is not to be messed with.  The Goat was warned!

The Bibs line up: Ethan Styles in goal with a solid back line of Matt ‘Angelface’ Cox, Uncle Bazza and Dan, with Dazza in the holding role, and  Jon Weasley as playmaker. Upfront the Hammer, flanked by the Goat and Tom.

The Non-bibs:  King Dong in goal, a back three of Sepp, Adam and Granite, Joel in central midfield flanked by Liam and Chris, with the Homeless Man and Lewandowski upfront.

There was clearly something in the air tonight. Man About Town Criddle was wearing a skintight black number though he had resisted the temptation to wear a snood, while King Dong Kev in goal for the non-Bibs was sporting a platinum blonde wig. Was he on the pull?

The opening exchanges were scrappy, with misplaced passes galore, and both teams going close, but the breakthrough came early with Joe firing in a low shot past Styles for the non-Bibs. This man was on a mission – to be top of the table for the season.

The Magic Man was being held in check by an impressive performance from Criddle. Had he snapped his wand early doors?  Criddle tested Styles with a shot heading towards the top corner, but in truth it lacked power to really test the keeper, but the 1D star wasn’t about to let that get in the way of one for the cameras and the millions watching worldwide through the miracle of the TNFblogcam.

The Bibs created an opening down the left, with the ball breaking right to Tom, the  keeper stranded, but with the goal at his mercy he spooned it over. “Wanka”, called the crowd!  Ad had the Hammer under control, with the attacks coming down the left flank.  A loose ball in the box had keeper Dong scrambling to gather the ball, with the Goat bearing down on his arse. “Back door, Goat”‘ went up the cry, but even with the blonde wig, the Goat just couldn’t do it.  The ref deployed the Jizz detector, just in case.

Half time: 1-0 to the non-Bibs.

Into the second half and its soon 2-0. Holder again, played through  with an awkward ball from Granite who was up and down the left like the Labour Party trying to find a purpose. Nice control from Holder and a neat finish. But very quickly, the Bibs pull one back through the Hammer.  There’s a sense of deja vu all over again. Are they going to throw it away again?  Gifting the ball to the Bibs in their own half several times, it looks like it, but order is soon restored.

Granite lofts the ball into the box and for once finds the head of Lewandowski, who tests Styles in the goal before dispatching the rebound into the onion bag. 3-1.  The Hammer responds again and with the home defence stretched he fires in the second. 3-2.  This could go either way and its end to end stuff.  But with the Bibs pressing for an equaliser Holder and Lewandowski counter with the Pole finishing neatly. 4-2.

Recriminations in the away forward line as they realise the game is slipping away.  The Bibs are giving fishwives a bad name here.  It’s not pretty and it’s about to get a lot worse as the testosterone-charged atmosphere leads to some hefty tackles with The Man About Town taking punishment from Tom, but taking out the Goat twice in quick succession.  The Goat doesn’t move (even less than usual).   The referee calls for the screens.  Is it the end for the Goat… but no there are signs of life as he realises some bastard has taken his free kick FFS. There’s still time for him to score… and he does.  Or does he?  That’s going to be one for the dubious goals panel to decide.  Possible own goal from Criddle.

Its still end to end stuff, and Granite somehow finds himself on the right wing with Angelface bearing down on him. Time for a neat turn and pass to Edwardski, who was so shocked by the skill from Granite that he fluffed the finish.  Granite still hasn’t got a clue what he did there.

And there the game ended, and not a moment too soon as the testosterone-fuelled antics towards the end threatened to get out of control.  4-3 to the non-bibs but football was the winner. The Homeless Man ended the night and his season top of the table – mission accomplished.

In the changing rooms after the game there was an unusually wide selection of goodies, with Moams chews, creme egg biscuits and real eggs too.  The Wanka shirt was awarded to Styles for showboating, with Tom just missing out for one of the misses of the season.  Most of the players departed, but the testosterone could not be denied as Bazza and Dazza aka Elton and David stayed long into the night to take advantage of the Leap Year tradition under a moonlit sky.  But who proposed to whom? They’ll be sore tomorrow.

Enjoy the weekend boys!




Testosterone 1-Football 0

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